How Do You Want to Be Loved?

This is going to be short and sweet (like me!) this week! 😊 Recently, I was asked “how do you want to be loved”? I have been thinking about this question since it was asked of me, so ya know I had to share it with y’all and then dig a little deeper with it. It’s a powerful, deep, and pretty loaded question! Honestly, it drove me to silence. I couldn’t formulate any answer for a few days because I kept asking myself, do I know how I want to be loved now… I know how I use to desire to be loved, but things, seasons and people change, and my desires are no different. In the past, I wanted an aggressive, strong, controlled, routine, practical but obsessive love. In my younger days I use to think that “love” had to be hard, intense, fought for and all consuming. Now, I want to be loved softly with the grace to be everything and nothing without judgement or disloyalty. I want to be loved freely without boundaries, expectations, or fears. I want to be loved in peace and with peace. I want to be loved spontaneously without rhythm or reason, full of surprises that fill me with joy, hope and faith. I want to be loved securely where my failures, moods, trauma, and pain are all covered with forgiveness. I want a mature, purposeful, passionate, and powerful love that is built upon of deep friendship and alignment. That’s how I want to be loved by someone because that’s how I love myself.

Answering this question can be hard if you don’t know how to love yourself. Most of the time when we are in a relationship, we have expectations for them to meet, that usually include things we don’t even do for ourselves. We want to have someone care about our words and read into our silence, but with those same things we are careless. We want a partner to learn and teach us about themselves but were oftentimes stubborn and disengaged when they attempt to do so. We want someone to intimately connect and please us, although were disconnected and unsatisfied with ourselves. I can go on and on, but you get the point I’m trying to make… you have to love yourself, first. There isn’t a person on this earth who can love you better than you can love yourself. There isn’t a human being that can understand your thoughts, feelings, visions, and heart better than you. So, the goal is for you to learn you (all of you) … then you’ll be ready to teach someone about you in an authentic way. You can answer the question “how do you want to be loved” by simply stating all the things you already do for yourself. Then you can give that person the opportunity to join you in that pursuit of self-love and if they decline – it’s all good (b/c one monkey don’t stop no show! LOL). Eartha Kitt said “I fall in love with myself, and I want someone to share it with me. I want someone to share me, with me.” And that is my whole vibe on this love and relationship thing! That’s what I want, and I think to some extent, that’s what we all want. So, babe, when you’re ready… ask yourself…”how do I love me?” and that will tell you how you want to be loved by someone else. If you don’t like the response you have to give, then change it! Let’s do the work of reclaiming our responsibility to love ourselves before we ask anyone else to do it for us.

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